Saturday, May 19, 2012
senior year | thoughts
I remember when I was a kid. I couldn't wait until I was in high school. Even for a home schooled kid, high school was a time in the future that you looked forward to. Reaching it meant that you were finally growing up. You were doing difficult level courses, making sure you had a plan to be sure you had enough credits and figure out what you were going to do after high school.
During those four years, you realize that life isn't all fun and games anymore. Those days when you could finish school before noon and spend every waking hour outside are gone. High school is work. You suddenly find yourself with hardly any time to do the things you used to be able to hours on end. That pile of books you still haven't touched even though you got them for christmas and it's now May first, are just collecting dust. Your free time has been constricted and you now have to learn how to schedule everything into the day.
Freshman and Sophomore year come and go. You develop close friendships, you grow and change and slowly figure out who you are as a person. You realize that things aren't always plain and simply like they were when you were a kid.
Junior year you begin to thinking about life after highschool. You learn to drive. You grow even more as a person. At times, you really wonder if you will actually reach what seems like a never ending school year. You just want to make it to senior year. The last year.
Senior year hits. You start out excited. You've made it. Its the last year of highschool. You plan senior recitals and graduation parties. You finish up the last high school courses you will ever take. You audition for scholarships and visit college campuses. Excitement builds up as you await that one acceptance letter.
Then, all of a sudden, it hits you. This is the last year. The last year of life as you know it. What has been you life for so long, is about to end. Standing still, you look back on your life. You childhood. The carefree days. Thinking to yourself "where did the time go" you realize that you miss those days.
The days when your clothes never matched. The days when you were 10 and your only worry was what mom was making for dinner.
Taking a look at your life now, you realize you will miss cuddling with your youngest sister in the morning, while watching Arthur and eating cheerios. You'll miss staying up until one in the morning talking with your oldest sister. You'll miss the random facts your middle sister tells you about animals and watching action movies with your brother.
You realize that you are going to miss your friends, the people who have been with you all these years. Through the good and the bad, they've remained by your side and listened to you. It'll be hard not to see them for so long, but you know that keeping in touch will be on top of your priority list.
This new chapter in your life, while it will surely be a grand adventure, is also something completely unknown. Leaving friends and family, in order to embark to this adventure will be one of the hardest things of your life.
You'll be on your own, in an unknown place, fending for yourself. It'll be all new and nothing will be as it used to. You feel as if you are in a dream at times. It's all so surreal and bittersweet.
The first eighteen years of your life have come and gone. The next chapter is starting. You can't see beyond the next step, so you take it slow. Basking in the moments. Remember everything as you walk up to the door, of the next adventure.
"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."
| Kevin Arnold |